


Edward's New Groove

by Thisisnotthenerdyouarelookingfor



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Edward Elric Keeps Alchemy, Edward Elric Swears, F/M, Female Edward Elric, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Genderswap, Post-Promised Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-06-21 01:31:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15546654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thisisnotthenerdyouarelookingfor/pseuds/Thisisnotthenerdyouarelookingfor
Summary: When Edward goes to retrieve Al from Truth, he offers up his gate as payment. Truth celebrates, telling him that he is the first alchemist to recognize the correct toll for Human Transmutation. However, They remark that They will miss Edward constantly standing before Them. Truth offers Edward a choice: to follow through with Ed's original proposition, or, for Them to take back the bodily repercussions of Human Transmutation from the Five Sacrifices and allow Ed to keep his alchemy in exchange for a smaller toll. Ed chooses the second option, and shenanigans ensue. From a protective younger brother and CO to excruciating pain, Ed must try to survive his new form.Basically a Fix-it to the end of Brotherhood. And no. He does not turn into a llama. Although, that would be freakin' hilarious.





	1. A New Deal

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably not going to go the way I want it to, but no one can really control midnight inspirations, and we can't all be amazing fanfiction writers. So, here goes nothing. 
> 
> Side Note: Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. Not me. (I wish)

Edward POV

“This is the final transmutation of the Fullmetal Alchemist,” I yelled, and slammed my palms into the ground. My surroundings seemed to fly away as I was transported back to the Truth’s plane of existence.

“Well, well, well, back again, little alchemist,” They said, with a wide grin stretching across Their nonexistent face. “I assume you are here for your brother, then.

“Yes, and this is my toll,” I gestured at the Gate behind me. It used to seem like such a goal, what I would have to surpass to win Al’s body and my limbs(and my mother) back. Now it is more of an obstacle hindering my sight and path toward the future.

“Finally! Someone understands the true toll required to pass safely. You are not the first, nor shall you be the last to pass through my plane, yet you, a puny child, are the first to understand the sacrifice necessary. Not even Hohenheim has seen this."

My heart dropped at Their comparison to my father. Seriously. The man drops back into our lives just to deliver the news of the apocalypse and try to help fight our way through the homunculi. Not, you know, before Al and I tried to bring Mom back. Because that would have set Father off looking for decades, since the bastard, Teacher, Al and I, and Mustang were apparently the only alchemists to commit the taboo within this century, who lived to see the eclipse. I don’t need more family drama, thank you very much.

“I went through life thinking that alchemy was the solution to all of my problems. It’s not. Besides, even without it, I still have my friends and family at my back, to help support me and Al.”

“You realize that you are lowering yourself to the level of a normal human, with no alchemy.”

“I was always a normal human, just with a deeper knowledge of what objects are made of. I really need to work on understanding what people and feelings are made of.”

They threw back Their head and laughed for a good minute. “Good one, little alchemist. You’ve got me there. I’m going to miss you wandering in and out. It gets boring having to talk to that guy all the time.” They turned toward the gate that was facing me. In front of it was the body of my brother, with his soul bonded to it again, thankfully. They swiveled back, having gazed wistfully for all of 5 seconds. “Now listen carefully. You could do that, or you could get your brother, your limbs, Col. Mustang’s sight, and your teacher’s womb back in a simple trade for a teensy part of your identity. I can’t do a thing about your old man, seeing as he is dying anyway and will barely have the strength to say goodbye to you boys and your mum, since his body has been withering away since the 1500s. So, what do you say?” They asked, and raised Their nonexistent eyebrows.

“What part of my identity?” I contemplated the consequences. Worst comes to worst, the bastard takes some of my memories or part of my personality. Although, that would be worth it for all of us to survive this encounter unscathed.

“Something small and insignificant that must remain undisclosed for the moment,” They extended a hand, most likely to prod me into sealing the deal.

“Oh, what the hell, I’ll do it. I don’t care. I’m probably going to continue to research anyway.” I shook Truth’s hand, hoping that this whole situation turned out for the better. They snapped their fingers, and I felt my automail leg fall off to be replaced by flesh and blood. I picked it up, wanting to remember my time with kickass metal limbs. Even if I didn't keep it, I knew Winry would want it. It was her finest workmanship, after all.

“The back door is that way. I took the liberty of fixing up some of your clothing, so thank me later!” I breezed past Truth and headed towards Alphonse’s emaciated form. I extended a hand and lifted him up. God, he was so light. I couldn’t wait to get back and give him some of Winry’s apple pie. 

“Brother, we’re going back?” Al croaked out, his voice barely audible but hopeful.

“Yes Al, we’re going home.” With that, we walked through Al’s Gate, and returned to the wreckage of Central.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

No one’s POV

Blue lightning arced over the transmutation circle Edward had drawn to revive Alphonse. 

Edward disappeared in a white flash. Odd, considering that normally an encounter with Truth leaves the body comatose while the soul travels.

Suddenly, Roy collapsed with a hand over his eyes. Riza rushed to check his vitals, despite her own injuries.

“Sir, are you alright?” Roy’s face contorted in pain. He slowly lifted his hand from his eyes, opening them to reveal dark irises, once again. She abruptly sat up and slapped him across the face. “Never do that again, you bloody idiot.” He raised a hand to her blood-spattered cheek and smiled. Unfortunately, our beautiful, cliché Royai moment was ruined by Breda whistling, and General Olivier Mira Armstrong cackling her ass off.

“Lieutenant Hawkeye, I will pay to see you do that again. That was fucking hilarious. Do you do that every time he fucks up? And again, I still need another good sniper up at Briggs. You sure you want to stay with this dumbass?” Olivier propositioned Riza yet again.

“Stop stealing my subordinates, Armstrong. Especially where I can see it.” Roy groaned and sat up. He and Armstrong continued to bicker over their need for Riza, while the woman in question facepalmed. They would never stop arguing, not when they were battling over the Führer’s seat.

Meanwhile, Izumi put her hand to her stomach. Her organs began to grow back at a rapid pace, prompting her to fall to her knees in pain.

“What the hell did that idiot just do? What could he possibly have traded to get Alphonse's body, the Colonel’s sight, and my organs back?” Izumi thundered, still volatile despite sitting on her knees and clutching her stomach. Sig helped her back up to a standing position just in time to see two flashes at the center of the transmutation circle. 

Alphonse lifted his head and opened his human eyes for the first time in five years. He was treated to the sight of Riza holding Roy by his uniform lapels, Olivier laughing her ass off, Izumi embracing Sig, Mei standing with Ling and Lan Fan, and a misshapen heap of red fabric that appeared to be Edward. 

“Brother?” Alphonse managed. Mei rushed to his side to help support him. The heap of fabric slowly stirred in response, and sat up, revealing Edward holding an automail leg, and dressed in his typical fashion. Except, he seemed to have grown slightly taller. 

“Alphonse?” Edward ran towards Alphonse. “Ow, ow. Shit, that fucking hurt. What the hell? The bastard said They’d leave me unscathed. What now?” Edward’s voice came out at a higher tone than normal, almost girlish. Ed looked down only to screech, “Oh hell no! I did not ask for these. When They said identity, I thought They meant my memories or personality or something, not this!” Edward’s voice climbed steadily higher. As she turned back to Alphonse, Mei gasped and started giggling.

“Ed, what happened? Why do you have boobs?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated.
> 
> Next chapter: what happened while Truth and Edward were chatting away.
> 
> This is probably going to alternate POVs from chapter to chapter, so be prepared.


	2. Recovery and Rulings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timeskip to Al's recovery in the hospital. Edward discusses the future with Al. Al is getting better. Also, a Royai confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New note: I am so, so sorry. I have neglected my works because I got incredibly busy with school and marching band. Not only that, I came out to my family as aromantic-asexual, and made some new friends within my school's queer community. I should be able to update more now. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this. I read some really good fics recently, and got inspiration for this fic.

No one’s POV

“Al, really. This is the best alternative. Even if I have to endure the bastard being on my ass about missions for the rest of my life, it’d be worth it to see you up and totally independent in your own body. You won’t have to be attached to me or the military. You could do your own thing, and I'll be there when you need me. Plus, I got to help Teacher, and she and Mr. Sig can have a baby now, so that’s great. Maybe she’ll be a passing mum too, and not just a passing housewife and kickass alchemist.” Edward rambled on as Al listened, bewildered. They had been arguing for hours about what they were to do after Al was released from the Hospital. Alphonse wanted the both of them to go back to Resembool, take an extended break, to go see Winry and Granny Pinako again. Ed, on the other hand, wanted Al to take said break in order to recuperate, but she wanted to see the Rockbells, then come to stay in Central, and go traveling for alchemy research, while remaining a State Alchemist. She’d keep her privileges, but there was no doubt that there were going to be fewer problems with alchemy, so she could do as she pleased. She also planned to learn alkahestry, in order to advance her knowledge of alchemy.

“Bro--no--Sister, you need to take some time to yourself. You just saved the world, you don’t need to go gallivanting around just yet. Besides, everyone’s used to seeing you as a male. What’s going to happen when the Fullmetal Alchemist appears, and is suddenly female?” Al interjected, as Ed paused in her rambling to look at him for a couple of seconds.

“Al, chill. I’m going to take a break, get some of Winry’s pie, lord it over Granny Pinako that I’m actually above average height now, and have some fun with you. I’m not stupid, you know. I just, you know, can’t just dilly-dally in Resembool for too long, not when I could be making the next alchemic breakthrough. Besides, our bastard of a father messed up some pretty textbook calculations, when he destroyed the Earth’s philosopher’s stone, so I have to go fix that mess. You can help once you’re out of here.” Ed explained her reasoning for wanting to stay in Central. Al nodded once, then lay his head back on his pillow. He was much more stable, but was still fragile, and needed help with regaining basic motor skills. Ed was just happy that Al was there to be healed up. She looked back down at her brother, then got up and left the room. She had a book to find, and Colonel and his Lieutenant to interrogate.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Riza looked out the window, purposely ignoring Roy lying in the bed opposite her. Whatever had happened out there, she didn't want to face everyone, knowing she would never get the end of it from all of them. What happened to the Hawk's Eye? The greatest sniper to ever live, who could pinpoint an adversary from half a kilometer away, and gun them down before they made it to 475 meters. It was hard enough to gain the respect and trust of her comrades, knowing that she was both a woman and could kill them in seconds.

A startled groan pulled her from her thoughts. Roy had woken up and was slowly turning to look at her.

"What was that? I thought I heard Edward stomping over here," Roy muttered, looking away from Riza. It seemed that he felt as awkward as she did about the whole situation.

The door was slammed open, prompting Mustang and Hawkeye to wince and look at the intruder in the threshold. Edward had arrived, and seemed to be holding a stack of books taller than her torso. She marched into the room and set the books down on a side table decisively.

"The Military Handbook, Editions 1-11? What is this, Fullmetal?" Mustang had an annoyed look on his face. What with the bandages all over him, all it did was make him look vaguely constipated.

Edward picked up the topmost book. "'Ruling 42, Article M: Any military official of the rank Brigadier General or higher is permitted by law, to engage in fraternization with another official of the rank Colonel or lower. Furthermore, the Führer is permitted to take the hand of any soldier, no matter the rank.' That's the rules, Brigadier General Bastard and Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye, ma'am. I suggest you get to it." She stomped her way out of the room, leaving the books and a couple of shocked officers in her wake.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

No One’s POV

“Sister, do you think you’re going to be Edward forever, or will you change your name?” Al’s voice jolted Ed out of her thoughts. She hadn’t considered it, too busy being occupied by recalculating the changes to alchemy that would have to go into effect. The range of power available to alchemists now was staggering in comparison to the measly portion that they had with Father living under Central. Truth, she’d be stuck in the State Library for decades trying to get rid of the inaccuracies in prerequisite transmutation circles. That and she was worried about Al.  


“I don’t know, Al. Did you have something in mind?”

“Well, Mom always liked Evalyn for a girl’s name. Always said it meant Life. You’ve been offered a new life by Truth, Sister, and isn’t alchemy just the pattern of life itself? We learned that from Yock Island when Teacher dumped us there.” 

“Yeah,” she murmured, “Evalyn. It’s strong. Sounds like something Mom would like. That reminds me, I have to go clean up some messes and pray that I don’t get kicked out of Central by Teacher. Wish me luck, Al!” She swiftly picked up her notebook, stuffed it away in her jacket, and flounced out the door, newly repaired cloak flowing behind her.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Evalyn stepped into the courtyard of the Führer’s mansion. It seemed that no one, save a few stragglers, wanted to catch a glimpse of the wreckage. There was blood and corpses all over the destroyed tanks and chunks of the mansion. There also seemed to be chunks of rock shaped like Major Armstrong. The Armstrongs must have revisited the site, because several of the corpses had swords atop them, giant puddles of tears lay on the ground, and glitter was in a thin coat over everything. That, and roses as a supposed memorial to the soldiers. She suspected that they were all Armstrong’s doing. Seriously. How did that man manage to make the place seem like a tacky memorial already?

She considered the variables. She had enough material, but the bodies would need to be transported if she didn’t make a graveyard right there. She stomped over to the middle of the courtyard, tore off her cloak, clapped and slammed her hands to the ground. Oddly, the lightning seemed to be gold rather than blue. The courtyard flew back into its original visage, with the exception of a few metal gargoyles made of the remnants of a tank. The bodies were piled in the corner for identification, and all seemed well. 

Evalyn dusted off her hands, stood up, turned to walk away, and promptly fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the added portion.
> 
> Side-note: I plan to have Edward be a kick-ass single woman, or be with Winry anyway. They really are one of my favorite ships.


	3. Quarrels & Quandaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evalyn fights Mustang in a train station, he reminisces, and she and Al go back to Resembool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Belated Happy New Year!
> 
> I was inspired and I have a planned arc now. This is actually going somewhere now.
> 
> (If you couldn't tell, I am not an especially creative writer, so that is unusual for me)

No One’s POV

“Fullmetal, I will never get used to this. And how is it, that when you were male your growth was stunted--,” Evalyn seethed at Mustang’s insult, “--yet now you’re actually a decent height?” 

“I WAS NOT A PINT-SIZED ALCHEMIST NO MATTER HOW MANY SONGS YOU WROTE ABOUT IT. BASTARD, DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I SAID? TRUTH UNDID THE DAMAGES DONE BY HUMAN TRANSMUTATION!” Evalyn thundered, calling the attention of half the train station. She and Alphonse were headed back to Resembool to check up on Winry and Granny Pinako in the aftermath of the Promised Day.

“Eva, the train is about to leave, and it’s the last one to East City until tomorrow. We have to go.” Alphonse started to drag Evalyn, kicking and screaming, into the train carriage.

“DON’T THINK THIS IS THE LAST YOU’LL HEAR FROM ME, BASTARD. HOW ABOUT YOU GET YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND BEFORE I GET BACK HERE TO KICK YOUR ASS.”

“FULLMETAL!” Mustang’s exclamation went unheard as the train pulled out of the station. He put his face in his hands. “God, you’d have loved to see this, Maes. Another girl for you to show off in Central.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The rolling hills seemed to fly by as the train moved along. Evalyn stared out the window, debating how to break the news to the Rockbells. On one hand, the wrenches might fly at her head less frequently, but on the other, she wouldn’t get Winry’s apple pie as often as she imagined beforehand.

“Sister, the train is stopping. We have to get off now.” Al’s voice broke through her haze of thoughts. She looked around, bewildered at the change of location. Had she really been brooding that whole time?

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.” Evalyn heaved herself up from the bench seat and began to help Al up. Despite his rapid recovery in Central, he still needed some assistance, a testament to his lack of a body for so long. Still, she was glad that he had his body back. 

The ticket clerk stared at them as they passed. Whispers followed in their wake. That can’t actually be the Elrics, right? Right? Weren’t they in Central indefinitely?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Winry sat at her workbench, tinkering with her latest automail prosthetic. Several weeks had passed since the Promised Day, and she had begun to doubt that Edward and Alphonse were coming back. After all, Edward had promised her that he would come back, right?

Two silhouettes came over the hill, one slightly hunched and leaning over the other. Winry stood up abruptly, the workbench clattering behind her. She began to run, disregarding Pinako's shouts behind her, "Winry! Where do you think you are going!"

Evalyn and Alphonse had barely a second before Winry tackled them. The three went crashing down, tools and luggage flying in all directions. The Elrics smiled up at Winry as she hugged them and pulled them back up.

"Come in! I made pie." Winry dragged them inside of Rockbell Automail, Pinako looking on from the porch.

"Trisha, you should see them now, all grown up. Though, Ed is looking a little different now, a little taller than before," Pinako drew in a breath from her pipe and petted Den, who lay beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a horrible writer. No, really. I left everyone who read this in the weirdest possible place. I'm sorry for the hiatus. 
> 
> Next Chapter: Some loose strings are tied up, and the Elrics address their heritage.


End file.
